It's not that easy being green, or is it?
May 19, 2010
Suddenly the Kermit the Frog song is going through my head in an endless loop. For the past two days the little squeaky voice softly sings "It's not that easy bein' green..."
And then I think "except if you're money." Then it's real, real easy bein' green. Everything's all about the green. Green green green.
Kermit croaks an override, "It's not that easy bein' green. Having to spend your days the color of the leaves. When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold...or something much more colorful like that."
Kermit keeps singing, "It's not easy being green.
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things. And people tend to pass you over cause you're not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water, or stars in the sky.
"But green's the color of Spring. And green can be cool and friendly-like. And green can be big like an ocean..."
Kermit's loop is interrupted. His shy, shaky voice replaced with a cynical snarl that mimics the tune, saying "And green can be big, like a gulf, which is going black because of our love for green! Green, you froggy fool. It's all about green, green, greenbacks."
Kermit's right. It's not that easy bein' "green" in the newest sense of the word. Everyone pretends they want it but doesn't see what "wanting it" really means until something like this horrible oil spill disaster. Just like Kermit, all this "green" talk gets passed over for something "much more colorful...flashy sparkles" and history just keeps repeating itself.
And that's what makes Kermit's dark shadow alter ego voice right, too. Green is the color of money, which can be so very "cool and friendly-like."
So I think maybe BP should see if they can plug up the "leak" with some dollar bills. Soak up some of the spill with their huge profits. I know they're forking out $6 million a day on the cleanup, but what's that to a company that on April 28, 2010 reported a $6.1 billion (with a 'b') profit, out earning their biggest U.S. rival, ExxonMobil Corp.
So it's great that Senator whoever is proposing legislation to uncap third-party liability lawsuits damages, now capped at $75 million, upped to $10 billion. That's real cool, and friendly-like. Let's throw money at it. Green things up, as they say. It is easy bein' green. Just as long as it's the right kind of green.
Throw money at it, it's the American way. Let's make that nasty oil giant pay so they can turn right around and hike up the prices at the pump. That'll show us...uhm...them! Green, baby, green!
Alas, I'm saddened as Kermit's original loop fades from my head. He's wrong. It is easy bein' green here as long as you're the color of money. Everyone wants you and loves you so much. Covets you. Dreams about you. Chases after you. Compromises for you. Goes crazy for you. Lies for you. Manipulates and finagles to get more and more of you. Stops at nothing, including our own utter destruction.
So I, too, must apologize. When "green is all there is to be it can make you wonder why," and I do. I don't like this kind of green. Change the last letter to a 'd' and it's what it's all about. Hopefully, the following will cover my bases:
Enclosed please find
one U.S. Dollar. Please note "this note is legal tender for all debts public and private;" additionally, on the reverse, "In God We Trust ONE."
So I trust this will repay my very private debt which accumulated through public reversal of the Golden Rule and grew deeper as I reached its root: (which I'm sure you've even noticed is gold). Yes, it started as a little tiny hole that the tooth fairy plugged up with silver, soon expanding by the shovelful as time pushed me digging and clawing along toward these little notes tenderly sticking to my dirty fingers.
Well, the ditch widened but I'm sure you must agree in the most American way it's a fine ditch, black and deep with compromises and lies; a couple of fingers and toes and...
I'm even buried in there,
somewhere....yes...But I digress from the accounting of my transgressions, which I trust are now paid
legally, if not tenderly,
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Catherine Minolli is Managing Editor of the Tri-City Times. She began as a freelance writer with the Times in 1994. She enjoys the country life, including raising ducks and chickens.