August 27, 2008 Wanted: four-legged farm hand to fill recent job opening.
Applicant must be able to keep the cats in their place, monitor the varmint population, eat leftover french fries, offer supportive company to owners while they wrench on broken tractors or weed flower beds, alert us to strangers and greet all the neighbors.
On cold winter nights, shelter will consist of curling up with calves in the barn. On hot summer days, relief can be found under the maples.
Must be proficient in cleaning up spilled milk and prohibit any bit of cat food from going to waste. Must relate with and respect steers and cows. Willing- ness to go on long tramps through sugar beet fields or take part in scavenger hunts through junk piles is required. Expect to hear humans openly voice their frustrations to no one in particular, i.e: you.
Should be skilled in being a shadow, that's not always needed but really appreciated when days strech into nights.
Pay will consist of lots of milkbones and belly scratches. Ability to make lonely human happy again a plus.
Note to applicants! These are some big shoes to fill. Previous staffer was dedicated, loyal, sweet, smart, hard-working and selfless. She executed the above job description flawlessly for more than 12 years. Those not willing to live in the shadow of a legend need not apply.