My fellow Americans, I am endorsing...
April 02, 2008
Alright, already! I know a lot of people have been sitting on the edge of their respective seats, biting at the proverbial bit, all in anticipation of who I'm going to endorse for president this year.
Well, I'd hoped to hold off on this announcement, but the insistent nature of our readers has forced me to relent.
So who's my choice for president of the United States in 2008? After many months of sleepless nights and a few minutes of careful thought, I've decided it is not going to be Barack Obama.
This decision has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the man's middle name, "Hussein," is strangely reminiscent of a particularly infamous Middle Easterner. No doubt, you remember the guy with the beret and mustache who used to be the leader of Iraq, but is now dead.
Nor is my opposition to Obama based on the astute viewpoints of our nation's most trusted reporters and media analyists at MSNBC and Fox News, whose information and opinions are fair, balanced and above reproach. They know Obama for exactly what he is: the most "liberal" member of the U.S. Senate; possibly the most liberal human being walking on the face of the earth.
Remarkably, they've made this wise conclusion, despite the fact that Obama has virtually no experience in government nor in the U.S. Senate for that matter. One can only imagine how "liberal" he would become given the benefit of experience.
Then there's that ranting nut of a pastor of his. You know, the guy who compares Americans with the terrorists and evil-doers of Iraq, Iran, North Korea and the rest of the "Axis of Evil," simply because we dropped a couple bombs on Japan to help end World War II and save the world as we know it.
Just imagine what the world would look like had we not taken the lead in building and using weapons of mass destruction. We'd probably all be speaking Japanese right now, instead of just having to learn Spanish to converse with our next-door neighbors.
I mean, who among us has the time to learn a foreign language? The foreigners should be learning English if they want to keep up with us. Not the other way around.
I also don't like the idea that Obama wants to talk with that goof over in Iran, whose name we can't pronounce and who keeps threatening to move forward with his country's plans to develop nuclear power.
Let's face it. There are already too many countries with that capability. Why should yet another country be able to power its homes, factories and hospitals with nuclear energy. Especially when none of us really knows how or where to get rid of all that nuclear waste once we're done with it.
Oh well, such questions are better left to the next generation. That is assuming none of those other countries gets hold of one of the bombs we made and lost track of, and decides to drop it on us. That would not be good.
Lastly, why on earth would good Americans want to change our present system of government?
The Republicans and Democrats have been doing just fine. Frankly, this Democracy thing is going great. Every four years we get to go to the polls and vote for someone who raises the most money and is most indebted to the special interests and big corporations who actually run the country.
Change? Who the heck wants to change perfection? As they say, why fix it if it ain't broke?
For these reasons and countless others I can probably think of in another couple of minutes, I will not endorse Barack "Hussein" Obama for president. You're either with me or against me on this.
By the way, I hate to sound petty or be taken as a racist, but did you notice that "Obama" sounds an awful lot like "Osama?"
And we all know what that means.
The content of this writer's column does not necessarily represent the views and opinions of the staff and management of this newspaper. Nor does it represent the views of Tom Wearing had it been written on another day.
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