Svengali's got nothing on this guy
April 02, 2008
He's lied to me in the past, yet I still find myself stopping dead in my tracks whenever he makes an appearance.
Doing dishes, working out, household chores, it doesn't matter. His timing may be inconvenient but I overlook that because I'm so interested.
Admittedly, he hasn't fibbed all that often. Just enough to make me a little skeptical. Even still I have to admit to myself that he tells me things I want to hear. Though it's painful sometimes in a "truth hurts" sort of way, I know I need to listen to him to help get through the day. I hang on his every word. Mesmerized, filled with hope, always anticipating the best.
Despite this, he disappoints me constantly. Still, like some sort of Svengali he's got a hold on me. He's become a habit, more than anything else. And lately he's been nothing but a bad habit.
Yesterday morning he told me the cold, honest truth and I have to admit I wish he was lying. Sometimes the truth is just too hard to bear; too depressing, too brutal. Yet I keep going back for more. I stop whatever I'm doing to listen. I want to hear what he has to say. That's the kind of grip he's got me in.
Could it be his impeccable appearance? Those pinstriped suits, subdued but classy ties? Perfect hair? Bright white smile? I doubt it as I've never been drawn to the yuppie/preppie type but maybe deep down inside that's the main draw. No matter what's coming out of his mouth, he's always just so nice.
Whatever it is there's no doubt about it, I'm spending way, way too much time giving a darn about what he says. Planning my outfits with him in mind. Staying at home when I really want to go out. Using extra care on some occasions to avoid a bad hair day. What's up with that? I have never let any man dictate my behavior, why-oh-why is it so different with this guy? What's going on with me?
I'm really struggling here. I know it's definitely a love/hate thing, with it leaning more toward the latter over the past six months or so. Still, I don't give up. When he tells me how warm and beautiful everything's going to be I want to believe him. And for a time it is. He's telling the truth. Everything's glorious. I'm blissfully happy. Things couldn't be better. Then a couple of months later, it's back to the hard, cold reality of the day. It's almost more than I can handle.
Still, I see him as often as possible. Sometimes even three times a day. Though it's momentary and lately has been leaving me quite cold, I cannot break it off. Somehow, I need him to get through the day.
The thing is I know there are hundreds of others out there who feel exactly the same way I do about him and he offers them all that same bright white smile, those same guiding words. Whatever. I'll never kick him to the curb. No matter where I go—even if I leave the state entirely—I know I'll always rely on him. Dammit!
This morning I'm truly upset. I pretend I don't care about what he has to say. In my mind, it's already way too late. He had to insist on his way yesterday and lo, now I must live with it. I am not at all pleased.
But like a moth to a flame he shows up around 6 a.m. and I run into the room.
"The St. Clair County area had 4.2 inches of snow overnight," he says. "In areas of Port Huron there was a little more than that.
"Today there'll be plenty of sunshine but it will remain chilly, with the expected high temperature reaching around 39 degrees. It'll be very chilly tonight. Under clear skies a low of 20 is expected, and it will remain a little chilly throughout the weekend."
He's absolutely torturing me right now, but I continue to listen.
"On Sunday the temps will reach about 45 but rain is expected to move in for most of the day," he says.
"Next week looks a little warmer, but it will continue to be wet through Wednesday."
I cannot bear to listen any longer. In a huff, I snap off the tv and go back to the yoga mat.
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